"I have sinned times without number, and been guilty of pride and unbelief, of failure to find Thy mind in Thy Word, of neglect to seek Thee in my daily life. My transgressions and short-comings present me with a list of accusations, but I bless Thee that they will not stand against me, for all have been laid on Christ; go on to subdue my corruptions and grant me grace to live above them. Let not the passions of the flesh nor lustings of the mind bring my spirit into subjection, but do Thou rule over me in liberty and power. Purge me from every false desire, every base aspiration, everything contrary to Thy rule. Deliver me from every evil habit, everything that dims brightness of Thy grace in me, everything that prevents me taking delight in Thee."
Throughout my life, I have always considered myself a fairly "good Christian". But, in the last year, I have grown so much. And, looking back on my life, I see so many wasted opportunities. There were so many times in school and work when I could have been a better witness. I'm sure many people feel the same way. My faith has been growing so much and I am continuing to grow as a strong woman of God.
"Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe; sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow"
I think I have always been a somewhat strong woman. But, being a strong woman of God is something completely different. When I look back at missed opportunities and think about the future that lies ahead, I begin to struggle with not feeling good enough. It's something I've always struggled with; I am a perfectionist and my own worst critic. So, as I prepare to leave for Italy and while I am there, I am praying that I will grow in my faith but also that I will really begin to live by grace and not by works.
"When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him there, who made an end to all my sin. Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free. For God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me"
Our society focuses so much on how we perform. So, I naturally translate that into every part of my life. How I perform in school, work, and as a Christian. I have a tendency to beat myself up if I don't perform to what I believe to be the highest standard. Do you see the key phrase there? "What I believe". Obviously, being born a sinner, nothing I ever do or say will be perfect. In fact, it will most certainly be the opposite. So, why would I (or anyone) for one minute think that my standards are perfect? The hard part with translating perfection from our lives on Earth and our lives in Eternity is that on Earth we are "punished" if we do not meet deadlines, if we are late, if we gossip...etc. But, Jesus has washed us clean of sin! And that is awesome.
"Sanctification is a work of God's
grace, whereby they whom God hath, before the foundation of the world,
chosen to be holy, are in time, through the powerful operation of His
Spirit applying the death and resurrection of Christ unto them, renewed
in their whole man after the image of God; having the seeds of
repentance unto life, and all other saving graces, put into their
hearts, and those graces so stirred up, increased, and strengthened, as
that they more and more die unto sin, and rise unto newness of life"
That is the message that I try to tell people and yet it is so hard to live it everyday. But, even though our sins are forgiven, we must still pursue a Christ-centered life and do everything to glorify Him.
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey
you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you"
- Psalm 51:12-13
