Spiritual Battles & Physical Hardships

How could a good God allow suffering?

That is a question both believers and non-believers face. And, it is a tough one to answer.

Lately, I have been feeling very sick. I'm not sure what the cause is. Is it something I am eating or not eating? Is it just a parasite or bug? An allergy? Or, is it simply the enemy attacking me? I do not have the answer. And, why would God allow me to feel this way if I am here serving Him?

Well, the last question I believe I have an idea.

"Just because you can't see or imagine a good reason why God might allow something to happen doesn't mean there can't be one" - Timothy Keller

Sometimes, I think we may need to suffer a bit to realize how weak we really are. If we felt great all the time and never faced any physical or spiritual hardships, then there would be know reason for God to exist. But, when we turn to Him during our struggles and give everything over to Him, we realize how wonderful He is and how extremely helpless we are without Him.

"If you have a God great and transcendent enough to be mad at because He hasn't stopped evil and suffering in the world, then you also have a God great and transcendent enough to have good reasons for allowing it to continue that you can't know. Indeed, you can't have it both ways" - Timothy Keller

Maybe our "physical hardships" are more mental than we realize. Our minds can play tricks on us and the enemy does not fight fair. 

Yes, I admit, I could simply have come into contact with an infected vegetable, contaminated water, or bad food at aperitivo. But, I also know myself and know that if there is anything wrong with my stomach I freak out! Which then causes more tension, more anxiety about what I'm eating, and more concern in general. This will not get the best of me. 

"Lord, hid me in Your Presence. Protect me in the battles I'm facing. As I honor You with my trust and cast myself on You, please deliver me - not just with survival but with complete victory"

That is my prayer. I will not give the Devil a way to defeat me. I promise I will rest and take care of myself. But, this will not keep me from working and enjoying my time here in Italy.

Some verses I have been reading:

Job 36:15

Psalm 3:3-4

Psalm 5:11

Psalm 119:71

Isaiah 41:10

Isaiah 49:13

Hebrews 2:18

Arrivederci ya'll ;)

Clouds and Castagnata

What in the world is a "Castagnata"??

That is probably what you are wondering...right?

Well, if you have not yet hit up Google Translate, it's a Chestnut Roast! And it's super fun!!

The other day, it was very cloudy and damp (as usual), so me and my friend went to Stresa!

Now, normally, it is B-E-A-U-TIFUL in Stresa! However...the cloudy weather left something to be desired...

But, it was still pretty and the architecture of all the old buildings still made me whip out my camera!

So, here we are...two blonde female tourists...cold...hungry...and about to head home when, all of a sudden, we see it! A Chestnut Roast!

If you have never had a roasted chestnut, they are not the most pleasant things to eat. They leave your fingers black and a bit dry...after all...you are peeling a burnt shell off a nut. But, in the end, you get a soft and warm potato-like taste in your mouth :)

And, here is what a chestnut looks like pre-roast:

Once we conquered the the chestnuts, we moved on to cheese sandwiches, polenta, and wine!

So, we enjoyed a beautiful and relaxing afternoon in Stresa! Then, took a boat to Isola Bella for a photo shoot ;)

After all of this....were we tired? No way! We headed to our new favorite wine bar in Stresa and sampled wine, herbs, and olive oil :)

What an absolutely beautifully dreary Italian day! 

Buon Appetito!

Pressing Toward the Goal

So many wonderful things happening and yet so much fear about the future.

Do you ever feel that as you take a step forward you take several back? Or, do you beat yourself up after you make a mistake? Do you ever feel just not good enough? I do. And, I think that is where my fears stem from.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done" - Philippians 4:6 (NLT)

As I think about coming back to serve in Italy, the thought that keeps coming back to me is simply this: "you are not good enough and you do not deserve it". It's not a very pleasant feeling. And, it is not of the Lord. After all, who is good enough? I want to serve the Lord and yet what could keep me from doing what He has called me to do is focusing on my faults. 

Lord, You make all things new. I need refreshing from You. I need to wake up to a new day in life and see things in a new way. Give me new eyes, show me new mercies, and take me on new adventures.

I am the type of person who has a goal and I like to see results FAST. But, our walk with the Lord is just that. A walk. We grow everyday in maturity and faith. We make mistakes. We get back up and continue to grow and learn. 

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14 (ESV)

And so, as I grow in my relationship with the Lord, I continue to pray that He will give me peace about the future and who I am in Him. I do not deserve His grace. Nobody does. And, sometimes accepting such a wonderfully free gift is the hardest part. We can't measure ourselves as Christians based on an idea or a "perfect" image of what a Christian looks like. We must trust in the Lord that, despite how worthless or unimportant we may feel, He loves each and every one of us. There is a wonderful plan that only He can see.

Some songs I have been enjoying:

Through Heavens Eyes from The Prince of Egypt
Takes a Little Time by Amy Grant

Arrivederci Y'all ;)

Wrestling: It's Hard

Growing in my relationship with the Lord is wonderful and scary. I have been so excited to become a strong woman of God but what does that mean for my future?

"His Presence can provoke turmoil within you for a time, but those who press through the struggles and hang on to faith in Him will be blessed"

Not long after I arrived in Sesto Calende I began to feel very attached. I can easily see myself here. I love my friends, my small apartment, and my surrogate family :) 

I want to go and be where the Lord wants me to be. Is that in Italy? Dallas? Somewhere new? I do not know..

What I do know, is that should I return, my stay would be between 1 and 2 years. I could not come back for just 3 months! But, I can also see  how the Lord is using this experience to make me a stronger witness for Him at home. I can see myself in Dallas, New York, Washington DC...but where will I go? How do I know? I can not simply make a pro/con list and move on from there (Gilmore Girls reference). And so, you see what I am wrestling with...do I go forward to begin fundraising for a longer stay? Do I take the wait-and-see approach? I have begun applying for jobs in the states...If I get a job is that the answer?

"We have to be able to trust in the goodness of His purposes, even when our path takes unexpected turn. We have to be able to believe that He is living and working within us. And we have to be able to let go of all competing props that would hold us up or tempt us to rely on OUR OWN RESOURCES. In some respects, it can be hard work to rest in Him"

Thank you so much everyone for your prayers and support. Trusting that the Lord will show me which path to take and that He will give me peace.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:7

Arrivederci Ya'll ;)

Anxiety for the Future

Who doesn't want a crystal ball? We all wish we knew what are future looked like and because it's not in our control, we focus on what we do not know and freak out.

But, guess what?! God knows our future and it is in His hands...much safer hands than yours or mine!

"Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting Him" - Hebrews 10:22

Lately, I've really been thinking about my future. Let me rephrase that..."lately, I've really been OVER thinking about my future". You know that old saying: "if you dwell on the past and focus on the future you will miss today"....well I sometimes fall victim to that. I focus so much on planning for tomorrow that I miss today. 

I have under two months left in Italy (this trip!) and I want to make the most of it! Do I know if I am coming back? No. Do I know what I am going to do with my life when I get home? No. But, I must trust that all of this is a part of a wonderful plan that is far better than anything I could ever imagine. 

Every day is a blessing. So, it's important to live like it is. 

I also want to continue to grow in my relationship with the Lord. Sometimes, I become the "work-a-holic" Christian. So, I focus too much on accomplishing goals and tasks. 

"Awaken to the opportunity of coming even closer - of seeking the One you might think you've already found. However familiar you are with Him, He invites an even greater familiarity. Always seek it"

It's important to never "lose intimacy with Him" and never feel like we can not get any closer to the Lord. I want to continue to grow in my faith and in my relationship with Him. 

"Lord, how do I seek You? My heart is turned toward You. I'm grateful for Your Presence, but I want more. Let me find you in new and deeper ways today".

So many wonderful and exciting things to look forward to! Thank you so much for your prayers! Please continue to pray for:

• That I will not have anxiety about my future
• If it is the Lords will that I stay in Italy, that He will show me the way. And, if it is not, that He will make that clear
• For the continued growth in my faith and relationship with the Lord
• That the Lord will give me the right words to say at the right times and to the right people

Here are some songs I've been listening to (click to listen):
Our God is Greater by Chris Tomlin
Afterlife by Switchfoot
In Christ Alone by Owl City
What Faith Can Do by Kutless
The Way by Jeremy Camp
Faithful by Hawk Nelson

"Spirit of God, You know my future and how it fits with Your Kingdom plans. Please show me enough to draw me into Your purposes. Give me God-sized visions that we can fulfill together"

Arrivederci Ya'll ;)

Meringata

What in the world is a "Meringata"? Hint: it has something to do with meringue!

It is actually a beautifully layered cake with meringue, whipped cream, and marron glace then it is topped with melted chocolate!

Want to learn how to make it at home? Chef Lorenzo from Hotel 3 Re is here to help ;)

 Buon Appetito Ya'll ;)

An Italian Wedding

So, if you have been keeping up, you would know that I recently attended a classic Italian wedding! It was a BLAST!! I think we need to reconsider how we do weddings...

I posted a few pics on my last post but, here is the video!

It was so beautiful and even thought I barely knew anyone, I have never felt so much a part of a family that was not mine! I am feeling more and more Italian every day ;)

Arrivederci Ya'll ;)

One Month Already Gone

Happy October everyone!! Can you believe it?? I most certainly can not...

I have October and November then I will be back December 5...so crazy how fast time is going by! As much as I will miss Italy and all my friends, I am looking forward to being home as well. Sometimes, I think it takes being away from something to realize how much you love it. As they say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Being away from friends and family has made me realize how much I love them!

This weekend I realized it even more...

I got to attend a real Italian wedding :) it was so beautiful! The ceremony, the food, the decorations, the venue, the music...all absolutely amazing!

What I started thinking was that (someday) I do want to get married and have a family. But, could I do that so far away from family? I know that I could but that it would be so difficult. I guess I just starting getting really sentimental :) weddings seem to do that to people...

I've also realized that I don't love living by myself (is anyone else shocked by this?). I actually like having people around! Yes, I do enjoy a lot of things about having an apartment all to myself. However, there is something comforting about knowing other people live there.

Basically, I've been thinking a lot about what it would be like to live here or someplace other than Dallas. I know I could do it. But, I am just praying that the Lord will show me where He wants me.

Jeremiah 29:11

Arrivederci Ya'll ;)