Don't Let Perfection Rule You

"A perfection of means, and confusion of aims, seems to be our main problem" - Albert Einstein

Interesting quote for me today. Perfection is something that I struggle with. That is to say, I struggle with desiring to be perfect. I see my faults through a magnifying glass. Faults which I measure by my own standards. I know I have mentioned struggling with this before so (clearly) it needs to be prayed for!

I think being on your own, you begin to really see who you are and decide who you want to be and how you want others to see you. For me, I love to have fun and love being around people who have fun! I love to joke and live life to the fullest. But, sometimes I feel like I don't always say the right things or act the right way. You know the feeling...those times when you say "why did I say that?" or "really Rebecca?". Well, when you are in a foreign country, surrounded by foreign language, and foreign customs you really begin to feel stupid and useless. It's like seeing your idiocy on the jumbo tron at Cowboys Stadium. (crazy to think that God's jumbo tron is larger and He sees EVERYTHING...)!

Anyways...it's the feeling of "why don't I know that Italian word?!" or "I know what they are saying but I can't talk back!" or "I hope I just said the right thing and didn't offend them...!" In Dallas, I feel so comfortable (well..sometimes) at least, I feel comfortable enough so if I mess up or say something silly I can easily explain myself. Not so in Italian...well...maybe if I was fluent. 

It's nothing major but it's little things that when you have time to think about it (and when your thoughts are the only ones in English for several hours), you begin to OVER THINK. You think...well if I can't do this then how can I do that?! If I can't order a simple pasta at dinner without swallowing my tongue...how will I ask my new friends what they believe or share my faith with them? 

"Lord, I know I'm called to "the ministry" - we all are. How do I do that in my work? In my family? In my community? Show me. Empower me to represent You to others and lift up others to You"

But, it's so important for me (and everyone) to remember that we CAN'T DO IT! We can do absolutely nothing without the Lord. And that is part of what I love to share with friends! So, all these feelings that I am having and struggles I face are just providing more ways to share my faith. How great is that?! Don't focus on your struggles and your faults. Change your perspective and use them for the glory of the Lord.

"Father, show me the power of my perspective. Help me live in the reversal, where my attitude and internal state are impacted only by You. Clothe me in the joy and celebration of what You have done in me"

And remember:

"Don't be defeated; overcome. Don't be victimized; be victorious. Don't just receive; give. Don't be easily influenced; be an influence...The laws of the Spirit now work in your favor. Choose to take full advantage of them"

I really do love it here. Despite the adjusting that is taking place (side note: I think I figured out my washing machine...however, I am trying to come up with creative places to hang my clothes out to dry...my apartment is now a local laundry mat) but I really do love it. And I LOVE the people I have met. I already know I will miss them all terribly when it comes time to leave.

Arrivederci Ya'll ;)

Prosecco and Pasta

I think the one thing...well, two things..that are the easiest to adjust to are the Italian food and wine! It is all so good!

So, last night, a friend had me over and cooked a wonderful Italian dinner. It was very simple but oh-so-good!

All we had was pasta and prosecco. For the sauce, it was sauteed garlic, peppers, and shrimp. After the shrimp was cooked, chopped fresh tomatoes and fresh basil (from the garden) were added.

That is it! Let the sauce cook down then add the spaghetti and voila!

And don't forget to top it with fresh basil! Add some olive oil, salt, and pepper to taste :) Best meal I've had so far!

And don't forget the prosecco!

Buon Appetito ya'll!

Despair: A Common Human Feeling

Why is it that rain can be so depressing? On the one hand, there is a certain romance about it. But, on the other, when you are alone it magnifies your despair.

It has rained non stop today.

I have begun to make new friends in Sesto and for that I am very thankful. But, I am still home sick. While I love to travel and see the world, I love to do it with family and friends. Being alone is scary, awkward, embarrassing, and uncomfortable. I am so used to always having something going on around me. Whether it's people being in my house, cooking dinner for family and friends, playing with my puppy, or making plans...I am always on the go. Here, the pace is SLOOOOW. And on Sundays (today)...even slower.

And so, today started off fairly well. I went for a misty run, showered, and went into town to supposedly meet up with some new friends. While I was waiting, I got a lot of good pictures and videos around town. There has been a festival all weekend so the town has been a little bit busier!

But, for some reason, my stomach has been bothering me the past few days and the fact that I am here for 3 months has really been sinking in. I realize that is not really that long but coming from a place where I was so connected with friends and family...it's down right hard!

I am trying hard but I know I am not doing my best...yet! It takes time to adjust, to feel comfortable, and to get to know people.

When I finally got home, I jumped into my pj's and turned on Gilmore Girls (nothing like Stars Hollow to make you home sick)! I sauteed some spinach in garlic and onions, poured pomi on top and added some chicken...that was dinner!

But, being in this one room by myself and listening to the rain...I began to feel discouraged. As if I can not do what I set out to do. I can not meet people, I can not create videos/photos, and I can not tell people about my faith.

Then, I opened my devotional. And here is a bit of what today's said:

"Though we may dread many of the problems or people we face, we aren't meant to. Though we lose hope in many of the trials of our lives, we aren't intended to. Though we forget that God sees the end of a situation even when no end is in sight, we aren't supposed to. Despair is supposed to be foreign to a relationship with Him...Despair cannot thrive or even survive when we are in close fellowship with Him and are seeing Him well. God, who is not discourages about anything, won't allow it...God's purposes are good enough to fill us with joy and leave no room for despair"

And so, this just confirms that I must grow in my relationship with Him.

"Lord, I lose hope far too easily, which means I lose sight of You far too easily. If I saw You clearly, I would be encouraged. Please come close and fill me with truth. Give me the joy of Your Presence and the hope of all Your promises"

Please continue to pray. The Italians need it and so do I.

Arrivederci Ya'll ;)

A Light in Darkness

I am now settled in my new Italian home!

But, every apartment comes with its own unique set of quirks...

A few nights ago, I found myself reading by the light of a single flash light at about 1 am. Why was I in this situation? Well, about 9pm the night before, my parents had dropped me off for my first night in the apartment. After I was all ready for bed, I turned off all the lights and crawled into my somewhat comfy pull out bed (I say "somewhat" because when I woke up I found myself sunken into the center of the bed and unable to easily pull myself out - not to mention the springs make an awful noise every time I turn over). So..

After I was in bed, the light directly about me began flashing. After a minor freak out and phone call to Terrance, I turned off some semi important switch which turned off all my electricity. At that point, I did not have light signals being transmitted over my head, however I was without light and keeping my fingers crossed that my ice cream did not melt by morning.

This being my first night alone in my apartment, I was unable to get a full nights rest. Some of the noises I have gotten used to by now...the cars passing by, my neighbors, the sound of chinese water torture (I have yet to discover the source) and of course my creaking bed.

I woke up about 11:30pm feeling like a new person! I thought "Oh yay! It must be about 6am! I have gotten a full nights rest!" only to discover that I slept for a measly two hours!

So, I tossed and turned and began feeling the urge to open my Bible and devotional and I am so glad I did! My mind had begun to wander to the negatives about my life here for the next 3 months. I was feeling a little scared and alone. The darkness that surrounded me that night represented my mood and faith. But, I opened my devotional and read:

"Whenever you find yourself in darkness, let your trust in God pierce it. Choose to rely on Him. Those seasons don't last forever, but you have an opportunity in them to create an eternal testimony to His goodness. You become a trophy of grace on display in heavenly places. And when the season passes, your faith will bear unusually sweet fruit"

How amazing that that is what I read? Rather than put in a DVD, I felt the Lord telling me to read the Word and use this time of silence to become closer to Him.  The darkness in my apartment became a metaphor for the darkness I began to feel. My one small flashlight was a symbol of my faith - small but strong and growing! The night will pass, the sun will rise, and my dark apartment would soon be filled with light.

Arrivederci

Italian Dinner Ideas

Over the past week, I have really been getting into the Italian spirit in the kitchen!

In this Texas heat it can really be hard to feel inspired to cook something...so I really haven't been getting much practice in (horrible I know)! But, I decided I better start!

Here are a few recipes I've tried out this past week that are light, fresh, easy, and don't heat up the kitchen too much!!

First, I made Chicken Cacciatore and served it with orzo. The Chicken recipe I got from (again) Debi and Gabriele on Cooking Channel. You can see there recipe here. They say 12 pieces of chicken serves 6 people...I only used 8 chicken thighs and that was PLENTY for 4 people! We had 4 pieces left over...so that took care of lunch the next day! I also left out the bay leaves (truth: I forgot about them but they were not missed). You could use canned roma tomatoes but, I recommend using fresh ones...like from the produce section...no cans.

I also made orzo to go on the side (basically a pasta that is shaped like rice). I cooked it in half water and half chicken broth and let it cool. Then, I just tossed it with olive oil, salt, pepper, diced red onions and olives, and some cheese (I used the "Caesars Blend" from Whole Foods but a good Parmesan would be great). It is delicious to serve chilled (not super cold and not warm...room temp-ish).

Now, if you are a wine drinker, white would of course be great! However, I have recently gotten hooked on this particular red:

A friend recommended it as a good red to pair with fish...and it is! If you are going to drink red with fish or chicken, this is a great one! Plus, it pairs really well with Mediterranean flavors. You can find it at Specs for about $15.

So, after this Italian dinner, my mom made two other great dishes that are wonderful on a hot day!

First, she made a Green Gazpacho which is, again, a recipe from Debi and Gabriele (I really recommend watching their show!). You can find this recipe here. Don't be turned off by it being green...it really is AMAZING! We took it with us when we went tailgating and it was the most refreshing this we could have brought.

And it's super cute!!

Then, she made a faux spaghetti (a.k.a. NO PASTA)! Don't freak out...it's really good! Plus, it has like ZERO carbs so you can feel better about piling on some parm ;)

Basically, she sauteed a few veggies (onion, carrot, celery) in some olive oil. Added in some garlic and the ground beef. Then, she poured in some already made sauce (you could use a can of roma tomatoes and really make it your own but this is super easy). Let the sauce simmer and cook down for a little bit. Then, she peeled a zucchini and squash and just poured the sauce right on top!

So easy, healthy, and yummy! You could put the peeled zucchini/squash in with the sauce and heat up for a few minutes as well. And don't forget to top with parsley and cheese!

Get inspired and bring some Italian flavors into your kitchen!

Buon Appetito Ya'll ;)

Becoming A Strong Woman of God

I leave for Italy two weeks from tomorrow! I can hardly believe it! I know it is only three months but I also know that I will not come back the same person that I am today, and that is exciting.

"I have sinned times without number, and been guilty of pride and unbelief, of failure to find Thy mind in Thy Word, of neglect to seek Thee in my daily life. My transgressions and short-comings present me with a list of accusations, but I bless Thee that they will not stand against me, for all have been laid on Christ; go on to subdue my corruptions and grant me grace to live above them. Let not the passions of the flesh nor lustings of the mind bring my spirit into subjection, but do Thou rule over me in liberty and power. Purge me from every false desire, every base aspiration, everything contrary to Thy rule. Deliver me from every evil habit, everything that dims brightness of Thy grace in me, everything that prevents me taking delight in Thee."

Throughout my life, I have always considered myself a fairly "good Christian". But, in the last year, I have grown so much. And, looking back on my life, I see so many wasted opportunities. There were so many times in school and work when I could have been a better witness. I'm sure many people feel the same way. My faith has been growing so much and I am continuing to grow as a strong woman of God.

"Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe; sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow"

I think I have always been a somewhat strong woman. But, being a strong woman of God is something completely different. When I look back at missed opportunities and think about the future that lies ahead, I begin to struggle with not feeling good enough. It's something I've always struggled with; I am a perfectionist and my own worst critic. So, as I prepare to leave for Italy and while I am there, I am praying that I will grow in my faith but also that I will really begin to live by grace and not by works.

"When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him there, who made an end to all my sin. Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free. For God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me"

Our society focuses so much on how we perform. So, I naturally translate that into every part of my life. How I perform in school, work, and as a Christian. I have a tendency to beat myself up if I don't perform to what I believe to be the highest standard. Do you see the key phrase there? "What I believe". Obviously, being born a sinner, nothing I ever do or say will be perfect. In fact, it will most certainly be the opposite. So, why would I (or anyone) for one minute think that my standards are perfect? The hard part with translating perfection from our lives on Earth and our lives in Eternity is that on Earth we are "punished" if we do not meet deadlines, if we are late, if we gossip...etc. But, Jesus has washed us clean of sin! And that is awesome.

"Sanctification is a work of God's grace, whereby they whom God hath, before the foundation of the world, chosen to be holy, are in time, through the powerful operation of His Spirit applying the death and resurrection of Christ unto them, renewed in their whole man after the image of God; having the seeds of repentance unto life, and all other saving graces, put into their hearts, and those graces so stirred up, increased, and strengthened, as that they more and more die unto sin, and rise unto newness of life"

That is the message that I try to tell people and yet it is so hard to live it everyday. But, even though our sins are forgiven, we must still pursue a Christ-centered life and do everything to glorify Him.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you" - Psalm 51:12-13 

Schiacciata Alla Fiorentina

My departure date is only 2 and 1/2 weeks away!! As it gets closer, I am getting more and more in an Italian mood. Starting, of course, with food!

My favorite cooking show is called Extra Virgin with Debi Mazar and
Gabriele Corcos on Cooking Channel. They share their delicious Tuscan recipes and love for Italy (and of course they inspire me to get in the kitchen)!

So, this week I decided to try one of their recipes for an Italian cake called Schiacciata Alla Fiorentina.

It was very easy (not to mention tasty)! A light cake with a hint of orange flavor and served with powdered sugar. I personally think it would be amazing with whipped cream and fruit for breakfast!

What I learned, is that this cake is traditional in Italy during Mardi Gras because it's celebrating the end of winter and the beginning of spring (hence the golden color and orange flavor). 

So, get inspired in the kitchen this fall! 

Ciao :)