"A perfection of means, and confusion of aims, seems to be our main problem" - Albert Einstein
Interesting quote for me today. Perfection is something that I struggle with. That is to say, I struggle with desiring to be perfect. I see my faults through a magnifying glass. Faults which I measure by my own standards. I know I have mentioned struggling with this before so (clearly) it needs to be prayed for!
I think being on your own, you begin to really see who you are and decide who you want to be and how you want others to see you. For me, I love to have fun and love being around people who have fun! I love to joke and live life to the fullest. But, sometimes I feel like I don't always say the right things or act the right way. You know the feeling...those times when you say "why did I say that?" or "really Rebecca?". Well, when you are in a foreign country, surrounded by foreign language, and foreign customs you really begin to feel stupid and useless. It's like seeing your idiocy on the jumbo tron at Cowboys Stadium. (crazy to think that God's jumbo tron is larger and He sees EVERYTHING...)!
Anyways...it's the feeling of "why don't I know that Italian word?!" or "I know what they are saying but I can't talk back!" or "I hope I just said the right thing and didn't offend them...!" In Dallas, I feel so comfortable (well..sometimes) at least, I feel comfortable enough so if I mess up or say something silly I can easily explain myself. Not so in Italian...well...maybe if I was fluent.
It's nothing major but it's little things that when you have time to think about it (and when your thoughts are the only ones in English for several hours), you begin to OVER THINK. You think...well if I can't do this then how can I do that?! If I can't order a simple pasta at dinner without swallowing my tongue...how will I ask my new friends what they believe or share my faith with them?
"Lord, I know I'm called to "the ministry" - we all are. How do I do that in my work? In my family? In my community? Show me. Empower me to represent You to others and lift up others to You"
But, it's so important for me (and everyone) to remember that we CAN'T DO IT! We can do absolutely nothing without the Lord. And that is part of what I love to share with friends! So, all these feelings that I am having and struggles I face are just providing more ways to share my faith. How great is that?! Don't focus on your struggles and your faults. Change your perspective and use them for the glory of the Lord.
"Father, show me the power of my perspective. Help me live in the reversal, where my attitude and internal state are impacted only by You. Clothe me in the joy and celebration of what You have done in me"
And remember:
"Don't be defeated; overcome. Don't be victimized; be victorious. Don't just receive; give. Don't be easily influenced; be an influence...The laws of the Spirit now work in your favor. Choose to take full advantage of them"
I really do love it here. Despite the adjusting that is taking place (side note: I think I figured out my washing machine...however, I am trying to come up with creative places to hang my clothes out to dry...my apartment is now a local laundry mat) but I really do love it. And I LOVE the people I have met. I already know I will miss them all terribly when it comes time to leave.
Arrivederci Ya'll ;)
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